the fyrehaus

• The Enemy is playing the opening gig at the Ibiza Rocks Hotel. [DS]
• Britney dumped Adnon and tossed his iPhone in a pool, the Guardian made fun of his track jacket, and Keith Richards doesn’t like cds, Oasis, or the Arctic Monkeys. [Guardian]
• Bands gather at the Roundhouse to make a charity single to raise money for Consequences, a homeless organization. Artists include Supergrass, Dirty Pretty Things, The Enemy, Paul Weller, Beth Ditto, Andy Rourke, and New Young Pony Club. Single, also named “Consequences”, will be out next month. [Guardian]
• The Dead 60s split up non-acrimoniously. [NME]
• Led Zeppelin will not tour; my roommate can continue to blame Alison Krauss. [NME]
• Kate Nash, Editors, Richard Hawley, Battles, and Lightspeed Champion get added to Irish Oxegen Festival. [NME]

50 Cent says filesharing doesn’t hurt artists.

The new indie spirit of Christmas. Apparently Coldplay covered a Pretenders Christmas single. I don’t care. “Don’t Shoot Me Santa” is already the best Christmas song, past, present and future.

The gong show, or the Guardian takes the piss with a year-end list. Best bit:

Best Musical Accessory: Mockney Accent

From Kate Nash to Jack Peñate, 2007 was the year that phrases such as Nash’s Foundations lyric “You said I must eat so many lemons, ‘cos I am so bittahh” entered the Guide’s dictionary of Mockney Slang, along with the definition “Shut up you stupid posh oiks and sod off back to drama school”. TJ

The Guardian’s REAL year-end list. No surprises; lots of Arctic Monkeys and Led Zeppelin had the best live show. Though they did award the “The No Judge Will Jail Him Award for Cat-like Number of Lives” award to Pete Doherty.

And the AV Club wants to share the worst band names of 2007. I like “Those Fucking Unicorns” and “MM/DD/YYYY”.

Led Zepplin fans everywhere were elated that they JUST MIGHT do a reunion tour on the heels of their wildly successful concert in London. Their little hearts have been crushed because. . . Alison Krauss is the new Yoko Ono.

Yes, Alison and Robert Plant are going to tour to support their album, like you do, which pretty much nixes a possibility of a Led Zep tour in 2008. Leading to complete wankery, flamery, and hilarity on the interwebs, as summarized in the Guardian:

“Others likened Alison to a Yoko Ono figure in keeping the band apart.” Sadly and somewhat inevitably, the fans have started to turn on each other, perhaps already rattled by the sight of LZ reunion clips disappearing from the internet before their very eyes. Shebastjk, the blogger responsible for the “Alison Krauss=Yoko Ono” comment, was told by Jahfin: “You sound like a selfish 8 year old that needs to grow the fuck up and just accept the reality of the situation.” To which ZeppelinIsGodToMe-My Life responded: “You sound like a prissy bitch…”, continuing in this vein for some paragraphs. Then suddenly ZeppelinIsGodToMe-My Life appears to stop and take a deep breath, before writing: “Sorry for the looser geek fanboy reponse i just typed, i ended up giving you the whole deal. by the way i cried when i was writing the end of that last paragraph, thinking of how magical and tremendous it would be if I was at any LZ concert, thats how sad/grateful i am about zeppelin and whats been recently happening. Thank You Mr. Page, Bonham, Jones and Plant. You’ve changed my life in certain ways and i don’t know what it’d be like without you…”

After all that, we’re exhausted. One final word from the Mirror:

“However it is rumoured Led Zeppelin may play a small number of shows, including New York’s Madison Square Garden and possibly Glastonbury.”

And up we go again!!!

Scroll down for even more hilarity, in that Michael Jackson may tour again, for all the right reasons (enormous debt) and Ringo Starr makes bizarre comments about Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty, and vegetables, for no apparent reason.